You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
