I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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