yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
