Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
