You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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