i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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