i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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