I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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