So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Vodka?
Forever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
