On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
