He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
