I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
