Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
