Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
