it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
