out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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