im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
