doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
