Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize