Tell her she can't have a vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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