i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
