Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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