i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
