Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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