This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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