He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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