I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
where are my eyebrows?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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