"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
