i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will pee on everything he values.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
