i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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