he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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