im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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