I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
be right there i have to get my cape
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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