her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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