You can't special order awesome
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
