My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
