used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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