Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
