Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
