There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
