can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
