Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
