He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize