I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
