i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
