I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
