mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
