Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
