i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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