I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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