i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
