I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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