I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so let's talk penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize