I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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