i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
