that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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