M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
