Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
