with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
