Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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