She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
