...so i touched it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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