He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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