Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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