I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
