maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
