youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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