They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
