I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
