I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
