its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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