I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
