Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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