She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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