When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
