conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
