We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
