How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
