he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
