I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
