She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
