i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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