someone threw a dead crab at me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
