oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
