I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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