Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
