She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
