Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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