Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize