You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
