He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
