My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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