pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
