don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
