I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
