so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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