so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
