Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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