May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
