Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
