just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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