there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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