Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
