they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
